A lot of Submissives want to be collared and a lot just are… I want to give my view on that and what it means for me – some people will find my view romantic, others will understand why and how I feel this way…
So let us start with the most important information: not every collar means the same!
A lot of people and a lot of submissives are having different collars because of different purposes and to explain what collaring means to me I need to make clear what types of collars there are and how they are different.
A Collar that is worn for the purpose of play, to signify a submissive status and to facilitate play like keeping a submissive on a leash.
A Collar that is worn to show a submissive status, like the play collar more to symbolize the submissive status. A lot of dominants give these out after a couple of weeks/months of training as a symbol to show their affection.
These are collars that you can wear anytime, I’m not demeaning their use or symbolism and I used them often with play partners. [NG] for instance had her own Play Collar which she had to wear when she was with us. I also often suggest to newer submissives to get something that reminds them of their submissive status in their daily life. They don’t have the meaning and purpose of the Collar I want to talk about here.
Collaring someone with a “real” Collar is a big deal for me – it means I trust that Submissive, I can be myself around her, I can and even feel obligated to share my inner thinking and the private part of my life with her as long as she is in my service and often beyond that.
It is somebody I can share my feelings with and maybe I don’t ‘love’ that person like my wife, but I always have deep and fundamental admiration and respect for her.
In some strange way, it is my way of showing that there is an understanding that I trust her so much that I open up in a way she can harm & hurt me. If I collar somebody I am not guarded anymore and I show my feelings.
All this comes obviously also with a lot of responsibility for the Submissive.
Usually made from something temporary like leather or a cheap metal, nothing my submissive wears permanently but for the time around at home. It’s a promise of openness and honesty. It signifies that my submissive understands her obligations, her place in the world with me and the basic definition of what I call a relationship. Its a promise of her to care for me and a promise on my side to guide and protect.
It comes with the Promise that I will be always there to help even after the relationship ends.
Don’t let the description fool you – this is a big honor and there is a ceremony involved giving this collar to her. I don’t give them out like “tic tac’s” and the occasions are very special.
This Collar is a promise that I am there for her – even after our relationship ends. These are the Submissives that can call me in the middle of the night and I answer, can stand before my door and get a place to sleep and a warm meal.
A Training Collar also requires a bare minimum of Sexual & BDSM knowledge and that the submissive goes to her absolute limits with me. She has to show that she is willing to go against her fears and against her best interest in play. The ceremony is also special for the Submissive I give the Collar to and is always set in a play context.
I consider collaring somebody with a Training Collar usually after the first year.
Made from high-quality metal, engraved, wearable at all times. It symbolizes unity and my deepest trust in that person.
Such a submissive has fully understood what I expect from her in play and life, she embraces her submission and our relationship as part of her way to happiness. She has understood and shown over time that she can be trusted beyond all doubt and is invested in the well being of the people around herself and me.
Earning an Eternity Collar with me has no time limit. It is something that evolves out of our relationship. To give you an understanding of how much I would trust that person:
I would be fully open about my financial situation, about any and all problems I had in life and also I would put her as my emergency contact besides my wife.
In return, I do expect the same level of trust.
As for my own experience – It is not always a Collar that I use and I do add in the ceremony usually aspects of the relationship.
With [C] for instance it was first a necklace and today, of course, it is her wedding ring. It has the time of our wedding day engraved (in a special format) and is the symbol of our unity. That said my beloved [C] has also other accessories that are linked to her submission and devotion to our relationship.
Also [J] got a Training Collar – a fact I feel very problematic about in today’s time. On one side I was sure I wanted to make the promise at that time and I will stand by it even if it hurts – on the other side I don’t know if I should regret it…
Although never officially collared I would have done it in a heartbeat at the time if I already had understood the concept.
Submissive [MR] did teach me so much about women and in a way love at a time I understood nothing compared to today and she didn’t even do that on purpose… I’m not sure she would have accepted it but she did fulfill the requirements.
Submissive [SD] was such a great submissive and friend and she had definitely deserved to be Collared, I do think she would have accepted it.