In this Article, I want to talk a bit about Journaling and why it is so important for us as humans and such a good tool especially in the context of BDSM.
In a way, this is not only about BDSM but more about how we all work as human beings and how we can help ourselves to self reflect, grow more and make better decisions.
But for the Start let us focus on why Journaling is so Valuable for Submissives and Dominants in a BDSM relationship.
What we think about
A Daily Journal is essentially a Life-Link of the relationship. It is an extension of the ongoing dialog that every relationship has.
If the relationship is online or all people involved are on a shorter time table it can replace part of the daily exchange you usually have via messenger, calls or face to face interactions.
Because we all have a lot of experiences over the day, even if that day is seen as ‘boring’ or uneventful – we all have situations that were joyful, annoying, boring or scary.
We all also have our internal conversations and struggle with ourselves on every day, things we want to do differently and in which we want to change our reactions for the future.
The purpose of a Journal
A Journal can help us with sorting our internal conversations and rethink our reactions. We also see different sides of our selves because we can go back to points in time in which we thought and acted differently and reflect on that as well. This is not clear for everybody but there is a great deal of value to see yourself through your own eyes on experiences of 6+ Months ago.
You can access how and what changed in your life and what works now better or worse.
You are also able to evaluate your actions over time better because you don’t see your own life with the feelings of just one moment but with the sum of all feelings and emotions you described and that you had over the whole timeframe.
The act of writing it down also let us reflect about what we did and didn’t do – just like I reflect here in my blog about certain topics, I reflect in my diary about the day, my thoughts and feelings and how I want my life to go forward.
Also, our mind likes to play tricks on us and memories get distorted a lot.
Actions we once did out of fun and in the bliss of an upcoming climax can be viewed as shameful after the fact and even a series of good choices can be cast aside by our brain as just some unimportant events.
In all these cases it would help to have a record to go back to and actually see how things were at the time to evaluate our future choices.
“Is my Job really so bad that I should change it?”
“Is my relationship really as bad as it feels right now?”
These and similar questions shouldn’t be answered in the heat of a moment.
Journaling in BDSM
In BDSM Journaling has not only this self-reflection as an objective but also to let the Dominant have an insight into the state of their Submissive.
It’s a connection in which the Dominant gets not only information from the daily life of their Submissive but also about their world of feelings and views on marginal things. With that information, the Dominant is able to create a better understanding of the Submissive and can create better rules, more interesting tasks and be fairer in judgments and critics.
You also know when to push your submissive in play and when not.
Journaling as a Dominant
I personally also Journal – not only as a Dominant but also for my self-evaluation.
Since I do I make better decisions and have better Goals in my life.
It is actually in some way responsible for my fast and constant growth and I’m sure it is why Submissives don’t get easily bored with my play.
Don’t understand me wrong here – I’m not saying it is the only reason or everybody who isn’t doing it is wrong. But if you never tried it, you should!
And If you don’t, then let your Submissive do it and see what an effect it has on her.
My own Experience
Some people think it is not necessary to Journal at all – they see the time as lost and see no purpose in it. I understand that to a degree because the purpose and benefit need some time to unfold (usually a 3-6 Months period).
I had submissives that flat out refused to do journals about their day or play sessions in general and in all these instances the relationship wasn’t as good as it could be or even got ended because of wrong decisions or priorities.
I personally see Journals as a sort of ritual that directly connects me with my submissive.
With my beloved [C] I have a daily talk about what was going on at work and what she and I did.
I tried to replicate that with [J] but at the time just with mixed success. It´s one of the too many compromises I made with her that I saw as a mistake after our relationship ended.
I let [MR] write the first journals and directly saw the benefits in it. She would tell me about her day, how she was in general and what was going on in her head.
It was a very good experience and since then I like Journals a lot.
I would need some time to manage the resistance of most young Submissives to implement Journals in my style to play, but since I did, it improved every relationship.
Something that worked very well for Submissives that don’t know what to write was to give a daily task in the beginning what they had to write about.
Something like “Open up about something emotional from today” can break a lot of barriers in terms of writing blockades but also in terms of the Submissive opening up.
I had Submissives that poured their heart and soul out in writing and they were surprised how much it helped them not only so I could understand them better but also for them to understand where a lot of their feelings and emotions come from.
I also had Submissives that would color code their journal entries – every color would give me an indication of how the day went – like Black for depression, Green for a happy or Blue for a sad day. I liked this a lot but it clearly isn’t for everybody.
In any case there is one more reason why you should let your Submissive keep a Journal:
Seeing how much they have grown!
I have Journals from Submissives that are today CEO & Team-Leaders, Advisors, Doctors, Researchers and Geniuses and it is an Amazing experience to go back and be able to see the difference.