There are some common rules that I often read or hear in the BDSM community.
Some examples would be:
- You can’t orgasm without permission
- You are not allowed any underwear
- You can’t close or cross your legs
There is one more that I often read about but never really understood:
“You are not allowed to look in the eyes of the Dominant”
I honestly don’t get this Rule at all – with other “Standard Rules” I see some benefit either as gaining control of the Submissive or making the Submissive more aware of her surroundings. And Yes, I did have Submissives in the past that felt deeply humiliated when they were not allowed to look into my eyes – but that was something temporary and it would never have been good or even useful as a permanent rule.
So let me explain why I think Eye-Contact is such an important point that you never want to permanently forbid it.
There are a lot of phrases that highlight the importance of the eyes – phrases like “Eyes are the window to the soul” – that in my view really highlight their significance.
Its one of our most trusted senses even if we all know we can be easily tricked and for me one of the best tools to keep a Submissive in check while also knowing what’s going on with her.
As somebody who can read quite a bit of body language I don’t have to trust the eyes of my Submissive alone but to be honest I find it so much more powerful and intimate to read my Submissives reactions in their eyes.
You can clearly see when a Submissive is for example shocked, embarrassed, happy or in a hormonal haze…
It also gives the Submissives something to see my own reactions and have this positive feedback loop in which we both go off on each other’s enjoyment.
I think these moments can be very intimate and powerful – especially in training situations in which you want to push limits. You can make sure that your Submissives is focused and attentive in the right moments, can give strength and reassurance or see when the Submissive is on the absolute limit. – And all of that without the tone of your voice or the touch of a finger.
I can’t highlight the importance of these moments enough!
They are special & unique and neither Dominant or Submissive would like to miss them in their Sessions.
Therefore there is just no sense in forbidding a Submissive that kind of communication with her Dominant on a permanent basis – At least for me…
The only reason where it could make sense is if the Dominant would be ashamed for what he does to the Submissive and I do get that some Dominants see themselves in a very bad light. (I myself was like that as I explained here) but this is just not a good way to deal with it.
I never had a situation in which I saw any value in forbidding eye contact permanently and I doubt there will ever be a good enough reason for it.