My Little Girl

Submissive J


About our Time...

I try to be clear-headed, logical & thoughtful in this blog as much as I can – all of that goes out of the window when it comes to J.

J was my Submissive for around 1,5 years and the second love of my life!

As you can imagine she was no ordinary girl for me or my wife. J was special to me, maybe because she came as a 25year old virgin with no concept what sex was and only her wish to serve and explore. Maybe because I supported her to get her Masters Degree and start her into the job sphere, or maybe because we could talk and discuss everything with nothing being off limits…

That all sounds like a little girl that doesn’t know what to do – she wasn’t like that, she was smart, enthusiastic, fun to be around and had a spark that made her very special – at least for me.

Discussions were a big part of our daily talks in the beginning – I loved being able to have somebody I could talk about a lot of politics and who was also of the opposing side – we enjoyed being in discussions totally opponents and then back to our normal selves and good with each other – or so I thought at the time.

In the End, things ended pretty heartbreaking – she decided that I wasn’t good enough and that she needed somebody different for her life, she never really explained what the problems were or why she never said something before, but she was very determined that we couldn’t be together with her in a love relationship…

I should say here that Friends & Submissives alike, that I reached out to after the break-up, called the relationship toxic in its workings and that I should stay away from J and should be glad that it is over.

But as I already said in the start – Logic has not a lot to do with how I feel or see her… – I love her

In retrospect, I can see what my friends mean but there were a lot of good things too and there were also mitigating circumstances (in my view) so I’m reluctant to call this a toxic relationship, like the one with KO was – in the End, I’m not happy with not having this relationship anymore.

I think the most problematic thing is that I love her still and never understood why she wouldn’t even try (and I mean give it a real shot with me being with her) if we would work together.

I asked many times what it was and only got one time a very angry answer I don’t know if I can or should believe…

If I had the power to turn back time, I would make myself not having this relationship – it´s the only relationship in my life till now I regret to have!

Till this day I think we would have had the best life all 3 together and I still think about her often…


    J was a SAM or better in our case SPM (Smartypants Masochist) which made our dynamic really unique because when everything was good we were constantly challenging each other.
    I know a lot of people find that tiresome and J had a lot of problems not to push with sensitive stuff – I know why she has that problem and for me, that was always ok, but it is a major issue with her.

    Moments I liked with her

    • Discussions about Politics
    • Discussions about Tech stuff
    • Harsh Play with the crop and scenes on the floor
    • Being just me – without any facades…